Friday, January 19, 2007

Daily Logs - Day #005

LIMIT: 200

Day 5 and my limit for today is 200 calories, max. I don't know how I'm gonna achieve that... ugh!!

By the way, I ate last night -- a small portion of steamed fish. Shouldn't be a lot of calories I think.


1) I got up today at 7AM.

2) It's now 8:22AM and I'm having BRUNCH. Yep. Breakfast and Lunch combined. I'm gonna skip a meal later.

What am I having?

Bean sprouts. Stir-fried in olive oil with a dash of salt and pepper.

I have NO idea how many calories there are on that thing (3 tablespoons) but I have a feeling it's a lot.

I'm going to the doctors later this afternoon so I think I'll ask for a sleeping pill prescription. Maybe... just maybe, popping just 1 pill will you know, take the hunger away.


Thursday, January 18, 2007

Daily Logs - Day #004 ( Afternoon Update)

I binged.


is what I had for lunch. A small serving of crunchy fried pork pieces about the size of a tea bag (think sweet and sour) plus a little bit of sweet chilli sauce.

God knows how many calories there are on that and frankly speaking, I don't even want to know.

My coffee count for today as of now (2:27PM) is 4 cups. I'm about to make another cup so that would bring me to 100 calories total on coffee/sugar alone assuming there are 20 cals in each cup.

What am I gonna have for dinner later? I honestly don't know and please don't make me think about it. It's a good thing I got up at 6AM this morning so maybe, just maybe, I'll skip dinner andgo to sleep. It's going to be a very busy day tomorrow (200 calories max OUCH!!!!!) and I have lots of appointments. Hopefully that would keep my mind off food.

God this is hell.

The good news is, I feel like I've lost a pound or two. I can feel it. I don't want to weigh myself though because I'm scared shitless. I'll only go to the scale when I see visible signs of weight loss.

I can do this. I can do this. I can do this.

I *will* lose weight.

Thinspiration of the moment
Tommie X in Sweden

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Daily Logs - Day #004


It's 6:17AM. I got up 17 minutes ago. I took a piss, looked in the mirror and went straight to the kitchen for a glass of water.

You see on weekdays, our entire kitchen turns into a circus from 5:30AM onwards - that's when the maids, my siblings, mum, dad, etc. wake up.

Naturally, breakfast is served early. I loittered around the table, trying to decide what I'm gonna eat later. Sandwiches? Soup? Fruit? Chicken? Rice?

Guess what my bitch whore mom said in a sanctimonious, self-righteous tone? "You're not allowed to pick that up. I thought you're on a diet."

Me: "I wasn't even touching anything."

Mom: "I saw you."

Me: "I'm just looking at it. It's not a sin to look around."

Mom: "Didn't you say you're on a diet? Make up your mind. One day you're telling me I should stop feeding you because you're fat and the next day you're gonna complain you're hungry."

At that point, I totally lost my appetite and went to the patio with a cup of coffee instead.

I'm supposed to be bingeing today, especially with my 800 calories spending limit but you know what? Fuck this shit. I *SHOULD BE* ashamed of being seen with them whenever we go out in public because they're fucking fat -- I know lots of people who do that. But no, I don't mind being seen with fat people at all around me because I really am nice and I couldn't care less if others are fat.

UGH!!! I guess it's a blessing in disguise then.

Think about it - if my mum didn't give that bullshit I'd prolly be shoving food down my mouth now.

Three cheers for mommy then.

Wednesday, January 17, 2007

Daily Logs - Day #003

LIMIT: 600 Calories

Here's my log so far:

9:30AM - got up
9:45AM - 1 cup of coffee (about 20 cals.)
10:15AM - 1 cup of cofffee (about 20 cals.)
10:30AM - 1 glass of water

11:15AM - Lunch (oh my god)

Oh dear. I think I consumed about 340 calories -- I had one of the third world's most popular household dishes: chicken adobo (chicken and potatoes simmered in soy sauce, pepper, garlic, ginger etc.). Photo credit: Riceandnoodles

I prolly 1 cup's worth of potatoes and chicken, just like in the picture. According this website, there's 334 calories per serving. I'm not entirely sure about the accuracy but let's just say I had approximately 1 serving.

It's a good thing I didn't eat rice. Rice is one of the reasons why I am so obese now. I already got my carb quota from the potatoes. Those damn carbs are terrible.

I went to the washroom right after finishing my food because I felt guilty about all the shit I ate. I sat on the floor facing the the toilet bowl and toyed with my throat using my good ol' tongue cleaner. I gagged a few times but nothing came out. I guess mia isn't for me afterall.

It's 12:02PM and I'm having another cup of coffee. My total calorie intake as of now is a staggering 400.

Believe it or not, I *do* feel full.

I hope the feeling lasts until later tonight. I only have a spending limit of 200 calories left for the next 14 hours.

Gotta lose weight, baby!

P.S. Read this touching article about Ana Carolina Reston aka "the model who starved herself to death".

Thinspiration of the moment
Inguna Butane
Photo credit:

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Tuesday, January 16, 2007

The 24-inch Prada cinched belt

A few years ago, my waist fluctuated anywhere between 21 - 23 inches. I used to be able to wrap my waist with my 2 hands. In fact, 24 inches was my fattest -- I only reached 24 after a huge meal.

Prada made this grommeted belt a few years ago. It's a size 24 (60) -- perfect for super thin people (like me before, I don't know if you can say the same now) and you wear it high... perfect to cinch that small, tiny waist.

I wore the belt again earlier today, out of curiosity, and here's the result.

Oxygen deprivation at its finest. Look at all the flab and the flesh! I can't even wear it for more than a minute. It's a miracle how I managed to fit into that thing -- take note how I closed it on the last hole! I'm officially fat.

If you were me... don't you just want to cry?

In any case, I'm officially on DAY 3 of my 2468 diet. 600 calories today --- I should be able to eat a lot! Hahaha! It's around 5AM now, I'll sleep and before you know it... I've skipped breakfast!!! Woohoo!!!

Daily Logs - Day #002 ( Afternoon Update)

I skipped lunch.

Oh yes.

I had 2 cups of coffee + 1 cup of green tea instead. That was 2 hours ago.


Our maid handed me a small platter with a piece of toasted bread an hour ago.

One slice of toasted white bread with a little bit (just a little bit) of butter on top, sprinkled with a quarter of a teaspoon's worth of sugar -- just the way I liked it.

When I was 5.


Me: "what's that?"

Aissa: "your mom told me to send this to you."

Me: "can't you see I'm on a diet?"

Aissa: "yeah but you have to eat this or else your mom will get mad at me."


Then she left.

I stared at the thing for 5 minutes thinking I should just throw it away. Then I thought about the starving people and it's not really right to waste food.

What the heck. It's only a piece of bread.

Chomp. chew. swallow. Go to Calorie Count and voila.



FUCKING HELL!!!!!!!!!!!

What about the butter and sugar?

Fuck it. I'm not gonna look it up.

I'd rather cover myself in honey and go to a bee farm.

I have a feeling my 400 calories is up. Fuck that bowl of oatmeal for dinner. I'll have 2 cups of coffee (again) and 1 glass of ice cold water later. Hopefully that should keep me away from eating. I'll also try jogging for an hour and/or walk the dog tonight. I'm in desperate need to burn calories. Tomorrow is another fattie day and I want to be able to pat myself at the back and sleep tonight knowing my body burned something disgusting.

Burn that disgusting fat away.

I really hate how it has come to this but desperate times need desperate measures. I need to lose weight.

No matter how you look at it, fat is filthy.

Keep THAT in mind.

Daily Logs - Day #002

GOAL: 400 Calories

It's 12:07PM and I have a confession to make. I didn't have nutrition plan today and I ended up bingeing on biscuits for breakfast.

I had these coco honey biscuits and according the wrapper, there's 50 calories per serving (2 biscuits).

5 servings x 50 calories = 250 calories.

My god.

And to think, I haven't had lunch AND dinner yet.

I'm gonna have to skip lunch and opt for a cup of coffee and some cold ice water instead. I need something to satisfy my taste buds.

I have to skip this meal so I get to eat later tonight.

I think I'll go for a bowl of oatmeal later. Or soup.

I was reading some of the comments left on my other blog, and the emails I received and lots of people are disappointed with the current state of my body. Some of the emails I got even said how some of them are using my as thinspiration and now I've failed them. I really want to cry. I looked at myself in the mirror and I have never been so fat.

I used to be in control of my weight. I used to be thin. Really thin.

I don't know whether I should be disgusted at the current state of my body... or disgusted at myself for letting myself "go" in the past few months.

In any case, I've taken the first step by adapting this diet.

By hook or by crook, I'm gonna make sure I lose weight.

Repeat after me: I can do this. I can do this. I can do this.

Just for your reference:

Height: 5'9
Current Weight: 119 pounds
Goal Weight: 85-90 pounds

Thinspiration of the moment
Snejana Onopka
(photo courtesy of

Monday, January 15, 2007

Daily Logs - Day #001

GOAL: 200 calories

Gawd. How the hell can someone achieve this shit? My new diet requires me to limit my food intake to 200 calories in a span of 24 hours. What's 200 calories anyway? 2 bananas? *sigh*

I can do this. I can do this. I can do this! I will be back to my former bone-thin glory!

I made the following list thanks to my new best friend,

I ended up having a soft-boiled egg for breakfast and yeah, unfortunately, I ate the yolk, too. I also had a grand total of 5 cups of green tea althroughout the day.

This is REAAAALLLY difficult but I have to do it.

Height: 5'9
Current Weight: 119 pounds
Goal Weight: 85-90 pounds

I have to lose weight. Wish me luck.